a blog that was once boring. now its boring to death.

you're reading

2012-01-16T19:45:00.000-08:00

hello.

its been long since i update this.

busy with work

busy with family

busy with games

busy with my beautiful and lovely gf

if you're reading this (likeastalker)

>>i love you kat.

ok bye

dzariif

know

2011-10-15T08:57:00.000-07:00

hello

you are amazing. <3

I love you.

I know I do.

I just don't want to say it as if it meant nothing.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

a lifetime or ends

2011-10-02T21:19:00.000-07:00

hello.

its been quite some time since i blogged.

life is awesome so far.

with kat making me smile everyday.

love the relationship that i'm having with her.

yes i know about the honeymoon period.

and i'm also sure that this is not just a honeymoon period.

we shall wait for three years.

i'm sure we'll still be keeping lovely sincere smiles on each other faces

and hearts. =)

there's still alot more to learn about each other.

we're still so young and so many things is possible.

love either last for a lifetime or ends up with hurt.

whatever it is, i'll be very grateful that she entered my life once again.

this time, we're much closer together.

funny how fate works.

ok bye,

dzariif(no longer cesc cos he left arsenal fc)

all those things that had happened

2011-08-14T00:59:00.000-07:00

hello.

its been awhile since i updated.

i've been lazy,

there's some old post by me in this blog that i'm not proud of.

especially my previous post.

but i'm happy with all those things that had happened to me.

i learnt alot from it.

and this time, when its too early, i'll listen to what my mind got to say.

ignore the heart that had been hurt a zillion times,

yet still inexperience and gullible to falling for wrong people.

i won't stop caring and be nice to people.

cos i'll never know when or who's the right person that deserves my kindness.

and to you if you're reading this,

thanks for making me believe in the phrase:

'if it's meant to be, it'll be.'

ok bye

dzariifcesc

too early

2011-04-20T21:55:00.000-07:00

hello.

i have good news.

the girl that's close to perfection.

i think i found her.

she's beautiful and i do like her personality.

well, its still too early to tell i guess.

so we'll just let time tell if she's the one. =)

so far, she's like the best i've met.

incomparable to any girls that i've known in my life.

i like her company.

our chemistry is good.

and she's beautiful. love to stare at her face. =)

a brand new beginning for me.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

heart of the matter

2011-03-19T19:46:00.000-07:00

heart of the matter by sezairi sezali.

I got a call today, I didn’t wanna hear

But I knew that it would come

An old true friend of ours was talking on the phone

She said you found someone

And I thought of all the bad luck,

All the struggles we went through

And how I lost me and you lost you

What are these voices outside love’s open door

Make us throw off our contentment

And beg for something more?

I’m learning to live without you now

But I miss you sometimes

The more I know, the less I understand

All the things I thought I knew, I’m learning again

I’ve been trying to get down to the heart of the matter

But my will gets weak

And my thought seem to scatter

But I think it’s about forgiveness

Forgiveness

Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore.

These times are so uncertain

There’s a yearning undefined

And people filled with rage

We all need a little tenderness

How can love survive such a graceless age?

The trust and self-assurance that can lead to happiness

They’re the very things we kill, I guess

Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms

And the work I put between us,

Doesn’t keep me warm

I’m learning to live without you now

But I miss you sometimes

The more I know, the less I understand

All the things I thought I knew, I’m learning again

I’ve been trying to get down to the heart of the matter

But my will gets weak

And my thought seem to scatter

But I think it’s about forgiveness

Forgiveness

Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore.

There are people in your life who’ve come and gone

They let you down and hurt your pride

Better put it all behind you; life goes on

You keep carrying the anger, it’ll eat you inside

(I’m learning to live without you now)

But my will gets weak

(And I miss you, Baby)

And my thoughts seem to scatter

But I think it’s about forgiveness

(the less I understand)

Forgiveness

Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

(I’m learning to live without you now)

Because the flesh will get weak

(And I miss you, Baby)

And the ashes will scatter

So I’m thinking about forgiveness

Forgiveness

Even if, if you don’t love me anymore

I think it’s about.... forgiveness

if she's reading

2011-03-11T20:36:00.000-08:00

hello.

firstly i would like to wish happy birthday to her.

if she's reading this.

which i doubt she is.

i really am feeling lost.

the break up is still getting the best of me sometimes.

i guess i am really deeply in love with her.

sigh. nobody i know, can make me forget her.

it hurts to love the wrong person.

i have decided to never ever love anyone except for my family members.

its the best defense to never feel this pain ever again.

i doubt i'll find any lady out there that's good enough for me.

all are bunch of self-centered bitches.

i don't care. i've decided to stop being the mr nice guy.

cos i'll just get cheated or taken advantage by these bitches. its not worth it.

no you idiots. i am not turning gay.

i'll just be a player from now onwards.

its my turn to make those bitches suffer.

i'll be the heart breaker till i find the perfect lady.

doubt she's around.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

true story

2011-02-07T03:16:00.000-08:00

hello

bitch

slut

slutty inconsiderate selfish cheap bitch.

you should know who i'm talking about. true story of someone living in denial.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

memories that kills

2011-02-01T23:34:00.000-08:00

hello.

i'm getting better day by day.

nobody special by my side.

no rebounds to get me back up.

just good friends around and my own self motivation.

there are depressions.

tears, and a whole lot of heart pain.

regrets and good memories that kills me all the time.

maybe i can turn the love into hate.

i'll try. nothing's impossible.

i live by my rules.

i do bad stuff sometimes, but i have my limits.

i know how not to get addicted.

i know what not to do at all.

i don't go for someone attached,

or those who broke up for me.

cos i believe in retribution, and i don't want it to come to me.

life's fair, most of the time.

you just have to know how to play around it.

it's a game that will end.

just that we won't know when it'll end.

you fat and ugly bitch,

have managed to get your ways.

leaving your family for selfish reasons.

as if he's been supporting you since birth.

you do things without thinking, stupidly think you're forever young.

influencing others to be as stupid as you.

is your specialty.

well who cares, its your life anyway.

i'm just saying it cos i seldom judge people, but yes i judge you.

on the other hand, i wish that certain someone will be more wise.

you've not seen the worst side of life.

i don't want you to end up into it.

but then again, who am i?

i'm just a normal guy.

you're smart enough. on books. high IQ, zero EQ.

hate me, prove me wrong, i'd love to see it.

cos i've loved you and only wanted the best for you.

those criticism that you called bitching is meant to make you realize.

but it seems that you'd rather live in denial, like the pathetic fat bitch that you called a friend.

friends don't kill friends.

friends solve problems.

not make you forget about problems just to enjoy.

friends make you happy.

not stupid.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

good bye.

2011-01-21T07:20:00.000-08:00

hello.

i'm still very hurt.

this is the worst thing i've ever faced in my life.

you're getting addicted to it when you said you wont.

she is just spoiling you like how spoilt that fat bitch already is.

i miss you.

good bye.

world.

disclaimer

2011-01-15T23:22:00.000-08:00

hello.

this is a disclaimer.

i may be hurt.

i may type about death.

or whatever else that's sad.

but there is one thing for sure.

i'm not suicidal.

i'm a muslim.

and i still love my family, a few friends and myself.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

before i close my eyes forever

2011-01-15T22:40:00.000-08:00

hello.

one day, i'll leave this world and won't come back.

please don't cry when you see our pictures.
please don't miss me when you're sitting alone,
you won't be able to hear my laughter.

there will never be my voice ever again.
i won't be there for you to irritate,
the teases, that made us laugh, and apologize stupidly,

will be gone forever.

i won't be there to see you smiling.
i can't be there if tears flow out of your eyes,

cos i will be gone, long and forever.
so enjoy my silly, stupid and annoying presence as much,

before i close my eyes forever.. :)

ok bye.

dzariifcesc

now. another miserable feeling

2010-12-31T15:23:00.000-08:00

hello.

so it's 2011 now. another miserable feeling during new years eve.

2010 was mostly good, it just didn't end well for me. =)

i'm talking bout my previous relationship lah.

the break up is not something easy to take.

but i'll be ok. it will take some time.

i wonder how a girl could take a break up as it nothing ever happened.

it makes me feel like, those three years, they're nothing.

i was just being toyed and cheated and yeah, u should know the rest.

whatever it is, i'll still be a nice guy.

my mood may be a little different nowadays,

it's just post breakup mood.

it'll get better.

i'm trying to force out the recovery stage.

it seems a little hard, but it's not impossible.

honestly, i was disappointed with the way 2010 ends and 2011 starts,

but that's life. i'll accept it. i am accepting it,

just that i can't enjoy the breakup like the other party.

i don't even know if you were even serious when you were with me.

anyway, this is the start. 2011, i shall not waste my time with any heartless girl.

i don't even know why i decided to forgive you for your very first major mistake.

maybe it was love? maybe stupidity.

well, i may be nice now, but i'm not forgiving most of the hurt i recieve from you anymore.

well, not for now maybe..

i just hope you will be mature enough.

don't be stupid to go back to who you were before you met me.

cos it just shows that you're not learning anything.

and you'll just end up regretting doing stupid things.

its your life, but i really hope you'll be wise and not do things rashly or for some stupid cheap thrills.

i may be suffering now, but it's only short term.

i feel the pain, but it's short term.

you, you started drinking, smoking and enjoying,

but in long term run,

you may get addicted to such things and well, you're ruining your life in the long term run.

anyway, i'm done ranting bout my feelings early this new year.

i will put her out of my system.

i wont rush to enjoy. i'll be patient and work for real happiness.

the right one will come, i won't be looking for any now.

i'll let the cure come naturally.

time is the only cure and only patience and determination can give you happiness.

ok bye. happy new year. =)

Its been awhile

2010-12-26T09:41:00.000-08:00

Hey. Its been awhile since i blog.. Life was good back then. Way food, thats why i didnt even blog. Well, now life sucks.. Sort of. I have everything so far, very stable.. But i have lost a huge part of my life. Yes, she's gone now.. Left me and decided to move on without me.. Its a blow really. We couldve have a really good life.. It just takes time for me to be able to trust again.. We just have to go through a very last hurdle.. But, i got gave up on. I had our surprise holidays planned, and its all gone. Its sad to think of all this. I was sure she was the one. I ignored comments from others and all.. Maybe i was too naive to really have the amount of faith i have in her.. I got an advice from my uncle yesterday. He said i need to find the right partner. Its not easy but its possible. Frankly, i have an example of a perfect partner. But we'll just be friends. I'm nt ready to have a relationship. Oh, the old arzifah is also a perfect person. Haha. I miss her.. I can still picture her smile, her brown eyes, the innocent look in her face, the way she pokes me, her tears.. Yep, i've been staying through thick and thin. I just need a return faith. But sadly, i didnt get it.. I've forgive too much. Somehow, the way she's hurting me now, i really cant forgive. Its not fair. I'm awesome. My girl friends say i'm sweet, but abit sensitive.. But yeah, i deserve sm1 who'll really stay with me through thick and thin.. Its a waste, a relationship is like investing.. U love the wrong person, ur life will be wasted. I dont really regret having those good memories. But i regret staying and seeing what u've become. She's a momster that breaks my heart everytime now. With her mean ways.. I dont know why i care bout her and still loving her. I know its not worth it now.. But, its hard to stop loving, especially when its sincerely loving. I didnt expect anything in return except for sincere love, faith and loyalty. I've been patient waiting for it from her. Yet i get none.. She's not really a bad person to me. I dont want to say bad things bout her, but this is what i got from her. What can i do? I should block her from my life, but i'm worried if she might need me in the future. I know i will be there even after all this shit that i get. Idk, i am thinking too muchh.. Feeling too much.. This breakup hurts so bad. Its somehow beyond control. But i know, its just psychology, i can and will overcome this. I deserve sm1 better. Its time i start blogging.. The thoughts and adventures of a guy getting over a breakup and finding the perfect companion. If you're reading this, i hope if u were to get any retribution, it wont be when u're already married to him. I am not forgiving but i also dont want u to get any retribution. I'd like u to be happy. Cos somehow, i love u still. Bye.

makes it shatter

2010-11-13T11:25:00.001-08:00

hello.

The english suck. figure out what i'm trying to convey.

A dark past from you,

makes it shatter,

the trust that i had for you,

the faith that i put in you.

I've always respected you

Therefore I've never expected it from you,

I can't keep lying to myself that it's never true.

It's reality, I have to accept the truth.

I know I can forgive you,

so I gave you a chance.

but what i didn't expect was

forgetting it is just so hard.

the worst mistake of your life,

is to leave my trust behind.

crushing my faith

wasting this spark in my heart that was always eager to shine.

all that i ask for is a simple change,

show a little effort

to gain back the trust that you've stained.

but receiving simple sacrifices(that matters so much) from you,

is and will never be possible.

I don't want this separation to happen,

Cos' It's the hardest thing that I have to handle;

But I'll force me out of this comfort zone cos,

I have to remain firm.

why should i give in?

if you can't give me something so simple,

In reality it's not even for me.

Cos it won't benefit me.

It's for you to fix the trust you broke.

and fyi,

It'll benefit you so much more.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

so long

2010-08-22T15:24:00.000-07:00

hello.

i've not uploaded for so long.

cos i'm super lazy.

i shall continue my previous post soon.

in the meantime,

watch this rampage.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

glad to share

2010-07-01T00:34:00.001-07:00

hello.

i was quite busy with some stuff and have little time to update this blog.

and also, i am pretty tired most of the time, therefore, i can't update this blog.

today! i am not tired. and have a topic to type about.

it's been almost 1 month i'm in this networking business.

and there is progress. i have that goal of having a passive income of at least $25,000 per month in 5 years time.

that goal will remain with me. for now, my mini goal is to get a passive income of $500.

slowly, surely and steadily i shall grow and be living financially free.

the business i'm doing is going to be huge.

but i can't do this alone. just like mcdonalds, i have to franchise.

so anyone interested, can contact me. i'll be glad to share.

next post. i'll tell you why network marketing will be the best decision i've ever made.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

painkillers. they are not cures.

2010-06-15T03:48:00.000-07:00

hello.

today i'll give you tips to have a good life.

set your own goals in life.

improve your moral values.

having good education certificates and results is useless if you have no

moral values.

if you only live for yourself, your own selfish self, then you're better off dead.

the world don't need those type of people.

and i have 1 guy in mind who deserves to die a miserable death.

ok, back to topic.

trust and follow your religion.

it's for your own good.

for your own future. on earth and hereafter.

don't get influenced by friends who teach you to do bad stuff.

understand your limits.

there are many good ways to have fun.

avoid those cheap thrills. they are temporary.

just like painkillers. they are not cures.

work for eternal happiness.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

what do you do?

2010-06-13T00:44:00.000-07:00

hello.

today, i'll be talking about networking.

i'll give you a tip that i've learned.

when you're curious about a person's job or career,

don't ask him "what do you do?"

some people find it uncomfortable when you ask what's his or her job.

instead, ask him this "how do you spend most of your time?"

if the person is interested in talking about his job,

he will naturally tell you.

i've tried it and it's proven.

more networking tips will come. =)

in the meantime, you can do your own research and practices.

read how to talk to anyone by leil lowndes.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

information

2010-06-11T02:37:00.000-07:00

hello.

it's not that i'm money minded.

just that money affects everything that is important in our life.

so, i want to share this information to you.

something i found in youtube.

part 1.

click on the links to watch. =)

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

no matter what you think, it will remain

2010-06-09T07:19:00.001-07:00

hello.

i need to get this clear to any muslims that's reading this.

the rules in the religion cannot be changed.

do not live in denial.

if something is haram, no matter what you think, it will remain haram.

you may try to turn the rules with your explanation.

but no matter how you try, it will still be haram.

so, lets face the fact and not live in denial.

better know your mistakes now, before it's too late.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

ambitious and practical

2010-06-09T06:52:00.000-07:00

hello,

dzariif's goal in 4life is to maintain a team of successful people that wants to live a healthy and happy life.

the team will change the misconception in most people around the world that mlm companies, are only out there to cheat you.

the team is searching for individuals that are trustworthy and have huge ambitions in life.

willing to learn and try harder to reach his/her goals and not giving up.

in this team, we have ambitious and practical strategies to excel! join us now!

interested personals can contact me at dzariif4life@gmail.com

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

contact me

2010-06-07T09:21:00.001-07:00

hello,

i assume most of you know about my business.

yes, i'm doing network marketing.

some may call it multi-level-marketing.

most people in singapore hates multi-level-marketing (mlm).

i don't blame them. i myself used to hate and oppose multi-level-marketers.

most mlim companies in singapore have people who are cheats.

they cheat people into joining their company for their own good.

i went to a lot of this companies and i tell you, it is not easy to be successful in such companies.

most companies have horrible business concepts.

no wonder people in such companies are using unethical techniques.

however, the company that i'm in now is different.

we believe in ethical ways of selling our products.

we don't have to cheat anyone.

that's because, our product is unique and useful.

it really works and were never exaggerated.

this company have a very efficient business concept where all it's distributors can be successful.

i have created a team, for individuals who have the passion for success and helping people.

someone trustworthy and friendly. someone who is ambitious yet practical.

we accept people from any background. if you are a singaporean, contact me via my email address. then we may meet up somewhere close to your home. for non singaporeans, do email me to. we will be glad to work with someone outside of singapore.

dzariif4life@gmail.com

singaporeans, don't worry, you won't have to only focus on the singapore market. our group also focus on the market outside of singapore. we will show you how. =)

contact me. i'll be glad to give you more information.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

by ourselves

2010-06-03T19:51:00.000-07:00

hello.

we need to solve the malfunctioning immune system problem.

then we can cure all diseases naturally by ourselves.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

something to say

2010-06-03T12:37:00.000-07:00

hello.

i have something to say.

i think that everybody have to treat everyone with respect.

no matter what, you have to respect a person's dignity.

anyway, to those out there reading this.

if you have a problem with someone disrespecting and looking down on you.

don't end up looking down on yourself.

or keeping grudges that will only give you heart pain.

relax, calm down and start thinking. =)

if a person wants to look down on me and not respect me, its his/her own lost.

because, i know what i can achieve and will focus on achieving it.

i'll still respect everyone else.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

fun trying

2010-05-27T20:37:00.000-07:00

hello.

i went to azeez's blog.

and took the same test he took.

unsurprisingly, my results is almost the same as his.

Big Five Test Results

Extroversion (50%) medium which suggests you average somewhere in between being assertive and social and being withdrawn and solitary.
Accommodation (82%) high which suggests you are overly kind natured, trusting, and helpful at the expense too often of your own individual development (martyr complex).
Orderliness (66%) moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly organized, neat, structured and restrained at the expense too often of flexibility, variety, spontaneity, and fun.
Emotional Stability (58%) moderately high which suggests you are relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.
Inquisitiveness (68%) moderately high which suggests you are intellectual, curious, imaginative but possibly not very practical.

Take Free Big Five Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

have fun trying it out.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

think if you

2010-05-25T10:54:00.000-07:00

hello,

watch this interesting video. =)

please don't over react after watching the video.

i know this video show lky using some dirty tactics to gain power in singapore.

it may be true, and it is also true that singapore is what it is now because of lky.

rich, peaceful and awesome.

this video talks about freedom of speech and control over the media.

i think if you give people too much freedom of speech, they will abuse it.

therefore i don't blame lky.

in a country as small as singapore, we cannot afford being divided by different ideology.

without control in the media, radicals like terrorist and communist will abuse the freedom in the media for their own selfish intentions.

and what makes you think that other people besides lky won't control the media for their own selfish reasons if if they got control of singapore?

ok, i am too sleepy to continue blogging. good night.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

dwelling

2010-05-18T09:40:00.000-07:00

hello,

i'm dwelling into network marketing.

i think it will work well for me.

after intensive research.

i'm sure i can succeed.

don't worry, i wont be those normal irritating and annoying network marketing friends.

i'll remain normal. i will be the same person.

i may talk about network marketing to you nowadays.

but be assured that i'm not talking about it to pull you in.

if i talk about it, it's because i'm excited about it.

i just want to share my thoughts.

i wont go around being irritating.

this is because, i'll have some phrase in mind.

"if you have to persuade a person to buy a product, it means that product is not good enough for him or her. so stop persuading."

"religion, kindness and honesty comes first, business second."

"take advantage of the opportunity in front of you, not the people"

i wish us all a pleasant and successful life.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

tired

2010-05-05T10:04:00.000-07:00

hello,

i want to update something.

but i'm too tired,

i'm waiting for her to finish her job.

it's crappy. weird working hours.

and i don't like it at all.

it is also dangerous.

sigh. i need my rest.

i can't think properly.

that one in a hundred million.

i'll explain it soon.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

wait for my

2010-04-27T19:31:00.000-07:00

hello.

i've been working nowadays.

busy busy working.

i can't wait for my medical status.

i need it. hopefully it's good news.

if it's good news, i can continue reaching my goal in life.

if it fails, i'll need to change my strategy.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

bad news

2010-04-19T07:04:00.000-07:00

hello.

two bad news today.

firstly, i woke up slightly late for work and have to take cab.

it cost me $30 due to peak hour charge and traffic jam.

the good news is, i'm not late for work. so, i'll look at the positive side.

i'll also learn from my mistake and will ensure that my alarm is working before i sleep =)

ok, this second bad news is the news that affected me so much.

i received a letter from spf. my application was not successful. =(

i tried to see a positive side from this bad news but, there is non.

god damn it. but it's ok, i'll try again.

the trick to be successful in life is to never give up on your goal.

my primary goal is to have a successful career in spf.

my secondary goal is to be able to join spf as a regular, so i can reach my primary goal.

i had a strategy in reaching that goal.

i took action and was almost successful in achieving my goal.

i almost got accepted, but due to some setbacks, i got rejected.

it was a disappointment, but this disappointment won't stop me.

and there's no point dwelling and complaining to myself about this disappointment.

i need and will recover and try again to achieve that goal.

i have to modify my strategy and never give up on my goal.

hopefully, i'll be successful in achieving my secondary goal this time round.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

judge a person

2010-04-18T09:58:00.000-07:00

hello.

life's been great nowadays. alhamdulillah.

i am currently studying.

this time, not for grades, but for my own life.

how to survive in the real world.

good grades in school is important. but it does not define how successful you'll be in life.

all of us, in the real world need to learn how to manage ourselves.

i have something in mind. words of wisdom from me.

something that i've made up myself. but i'm not sure if someone else have made it.

"never judge a man from his mistakes. judge him on how much he has learned from it."

if a person made a mistake, and learn from it then became a better person, he/she is a successful person. however, if someone made a mistake, and not learn from it. then keep making the same mistakes and never improve own self, then he/she may be considered a looser. however, nobody is good enough to judge anyone and label a person a looser. this is because, as long as that 'looser' still lives, he/she still have a chance to learn from his/her mistakes and improve.

what we have to do now is to realize our own mistakes and start learning from it. don't get discouraged by it. treat it as a life lesson. and start improving.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

cannot remain

2010-04-10T21:15:00.000-07:00

hello

people cannot remain as materialistic, selfish people and have peace and harmony in the family, society or world.

there can never be harmony if we live like animals.

we cannot have the consciousness of animals and yet have the peace of humans.

for the world to be peaceful, we have to be peaceful within ourselves.

science of identity foundation – jagad guru chris butler

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

it's something

2010-04-09T08:04:00.000-07:00

hello.

Trust is essential for a healthy relationship, and it's something we often take for granted until it's gone. If you're the one that's had the affair, you'll need to work hard at reassuring your partner that it's them you truly love and that you've learnt from your mistake.

If you're the one who's been cheated, you may find yourself asking questions for a long time. But as time passes, you'll find yourself feeling more secure and confident about your relationship.

Trust only takes a moment to break, but much, much longer to rebuild. At first it may feel that your relationship will never recover, but with hard work and patience it can survive. An affair always signals a turning point in a relationship - but it doesn't have to signal the end.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

good. fun. and interesting.

2010-04-09T07:56:00.001-07:00

hello.

i went to a talk about psychology in kaplan today.

it was good. fun. and interesting.

the only negative thing is, i'm not rich enough.

and i'm still not in spf regular yet.

i hope i'll be a regular. =))

can't wait for it.

anyway, psychology makes me do research on somethings.

about why people tend to cheat during relationship.

it's the most cruelest thing a person can do.

and i have no respect to individuals who cheat.

so, there are some websites.

but i'll post the one that is good here, here and here.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

10,000 promises

2010-04-08T06:31:00.000-07:00

hello.

once i could handle the truth when the truth was, you and i.

but time after time, all promises turned out to be all lies.

now i see i'm just somebody who wasted my time.

what a lie. what about your 10,000 promises that you gave to me?

now you said "i'll take you back". but i closed the door.

cos i don't want, 10,000 more.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

need to feel

2010-04-02T09:20:00.000-07:00

hello.

we need to feel breathless with love.
and not collapse under its weight.

video from youtube. not a creation of mine.

ok bye

dzariifcesc

live on

2010-03-31T23:45:00.000-07:00

hello.

i want to say something nice here.

but then, i'm not feeling good.

fever. and a little bit drowsy.

i've been thinking.

i really should live on my own.

and shouldn't put others before myself.

it's my life. i do things my way.

since you're doing it yours.

i don't want to be at the disadvantage again.

so if you want to live as if you're on your own.

i shouldn't be waiting like an idiot.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

i wanted to

2010-03-24T21:55:00.000-07:00

hello.

i wanted to really give you another chance.

but you don't show that you really want me.

you and your huge ego.

when you somehow have a little bit of me,

you'll start treating me like shit all over again.

i wont stay here forever.

waiting for you to show that you really want me in your life.

cos for now, i'm just something that comes out in the end.

i think you're materialistic.

i don't want to be your accessory.

its not about how hot the girl is.

not about how rich.

not about how pretty.

or how smart.

it's her sincerity and kindness that i want in a girl.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

need to start

2010-03-21T07:45:00.000-07:00

hello.

i think someone is being too calculative nowadays.

seriously, i don't know why she acts that way.

i can't wait to start my career.

seriously, i don't even want to rely on you. it's just that i have to right now.

sigh. family don't feel like family.

only mum and grannies are not calculative.

and nowadays dad is starting to improve and being a little bit better.

little.

sigh. i hate this calculative nature in my family.

i need to start my career and help change things.

i must show my youngest sister that we don't have to be calculative.

give and take is what family do. and we don't keep grudges.

it's a one time mistake. i didn't expect 'her' to react that way.

oh. i am very sure. during that time, whatever i said was a fact.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

so now

2010-03-18T13:29:00.000-07:00

hello.

so now, it's complicated. =)

in a good way.

it's either we'll be together or not.

only time can tell.

and only time will tell if we are truly sincere.

there will be plenty of obstacles ahead.

we'll be if we're meant to be.

lets not think too much about love.

or relationships. life is not just about it.

god will help us go through all the troubles we're facing or will be facing.

insya'allah.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

so much for your sincerity

2010-03-17T09:34:00.000-07:00

hello.

i'm confused right now.

i feel hurt whenever you do this to me.

why must every small detail be a reason for you to give up?

you give up too easily.

i can't give you what you want.

especially when you have so little faith in us.

i don't leave good friends just because....

it's not a good practice.

sigh. its always me being the one with more faith and believe.

=( its hard to be fair and nice to everybody. you'll never want to understand.

this is what happen if oneself think of ownself more.

its never a sin to compromise.

yes. leave me just because i can't give you what you want. so much for your sincerity.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

up your

2010-03-17T02:18:00.000-07:00

hello.

im sick and tired of this.

and my mind is filled with vulgarities.

i just have to cool down.

make up your mind.

if you can't then leave.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

for my stalkers

2010-03-16T21:35:00.000-07:00

hello.

twitter for my stalkers. =))

do stalk me. but must follow 1st. hehehe.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

never change

2010-03-14T12:55:00.000-07:00

hello.

you're the same. never change at all. still the same person that treats me like shit whenever i'm not needed.

i don't know how to feel anymore. i'm only special when you're bored and lonely.

i hate this. i don't want to be treated this way forever. i'll go for good.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

problem

2010-03-11T21:33:00.000-08:00

hello.

my handphone touchscreen got problem.

now hard to use my handphone. =(

shit. wrong timing for handphone to go hay wire.

oh.. and i'm out of ideas. really.

out of backup plans.

i need inspirations.

think dzariif think.

you're good at this.

or should i say used to be good at this?

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

i know

2010-03-11T09:04:00.001-08:00

hello!

soccer was super awesome!

wooo! conquer the court for so long.

i did a few mistakes. i'll try to improve my play.

anyway, happy birthday to the birthday girl! =))

may you find happiness.

and peace. the right way.

i'll try my best to help you whenever you need me ok!

i know. i'm the bestest person. *winkwink*

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

still many

2010-03-10T00:00:00.001-08:00

hello.

i think i'm bad at being an ex.

i'm good at being a friend.

and i don't want to be a boyfriend.

so, lets take things slow.

there are still many years ahead.

we'll be if we're meant to be.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

cannot stand

2010-03-09T10:53:00.000-08:00

hello.

annoying or what?

oh my god.

cannot stand this nonsense.

you're over rating yourself.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

hope to start

2010-03-09T07:06:00.000-08:00

hello.

so many random things in my mind.

i hope to start work soon.

it'll be great. :))

money... hmmmm...

i like....

anyway, went out with the group just now.

i don't think i can ever click with them.

maybe some lah.

those chill kids.

i can't click with noisy people.

i find them a little annoying.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

past can repeat

2010-03-08T20:24:00.000-08:00

hello.

i had a dream when i was asleep.

it was a painful dream.

the dream reminded me that the past can repeat itself.

i don't know.

i can't continue pretending i'm ok with the past.

it's not just a one time mistake.

it's like, more than once.

i'm sorry. things can't be the same for now.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

the suitable

2010-03-08T08:00:00.000-08:00

hello.

today was nice.

yesterday was nice too.

i hope i got a job soon.

i hate finding the suitable temporary job.

i hope spf calls me soon.

i overspent this month.

and now no more cash.

:( how?

no cool birthday present for her.

but i'll find a way to make up for that.

i hope.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

i feel great

2010-03-06T15:53:00.000-08:00

hello.

i hope i didn't make things awkward.

between you and me.

after asking those questions.

to feel sure about our relationship.

but now i feel great.

knowing i have a sincere friend.

that have no hidden motives towards me.

and i see a long lasting friendship between us.

oh hello world. i woke up a little too early today -__-

and i can't wait to meet my cool group of friends.

ok bye,

dzariif

i'm tired

2010-03-06T07:49:00.000-08:00

hello.

i'm tired of being nice.

and get blamed for whatever i'm not trying to do.

hate me.

it doesn't matter anymore.

oh! i got a cool t-shirt! and one not so cool t-shirt...

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

including myself

2010-03-05T23:56:00.001-08:00

hello.

i need time.

alot of time.

to know myself.

the feeling inside.

and i'm so afraid if i might hurt anyone.

including myself.

so for now, i'll just have to be honest to everybody.

so there won't be any misconceptions.

i'll leave my fate to god.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

updating too much

2010-03-05T00:21:00.000-08:00

hello.

since i've been updating too much,

i've decided to relive my livejournal.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

just have to learn

2010-03-04T22:14:00.000-08:00

hello.

thrills gives you temporary excitement.

but it's never enough to give you happiness.

i have so many memories of pain.

but what's done is done.

we just have to learn from our mistakes.

and not make the same ones.

forgiving is easy,

but forgetting this pain,

it's never easy.

we'll just have to let time past.

and hopefully, it'll let the painful images in my head fade away.

i'm never your enemy.

i know you're smart enough to think and not do it again.

and as a friend, i advice you not to do such things again.

i pray that our friendship will last forever. =)

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

put me back together

2010-03-04T06:51:00.000-08:00

hello

And when I daydream
We're eating ice cream
It's such a nice scene
But then I wake up cryin'
I know I've just been lyin'

Right here, it's clear, that I'm not getting better
When I fall down, you put me back together
Here, it's clear, that I'm not getting better
When I fall down, you put me back together
I'm alone in my room
I don't know what to do
When I fall down, you put me back together

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

think i've

2010-03-03T10:12:00.000-08:00

hello.

today is a happy day!

i think i've officially graduated!

I'm applying for a temporary job in LTA.

but must do resume. =(

hate doing resume.

she's mysterious and i want to know more about her. =)

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

dear friend

2010-03-03T07:14:00.000-08:00

hello.

that dear friend lost this dear friend today.

because this dear friend think that she can survive in this world without any dear friends.

friends that really care for this dear friend is ignored.

friends that act as if they care are welcomed by this dear friend.

i'll leave this dear friend to god.

there is nothing that i can do for a person so hard headed.

sad but true story.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

good things go for better things to come.

2010-03-02T12:19:00.000-08:00

hello.

i wish all my friends, who's going through a break up well.

seriously, mine is the worst so far.

=) but i am learning to take it.

accept it as something god wants me to face.

and move on to be a better person.

like someone said.

good things go for better things to come.

i'd like to add something on this sentence.

good things go for better things to come.

but we must make sure it's better things.

use our brain well and make sure it's not cocked up things

don't take shortcuts.

most of the time, shortcuts will make us regret in the future.

learn to let go my friends.

it's going to be better if you make it better.

i promise.

and also, i want to say that i'm happy now.

there are regrets, but still happy.

i just hope you'll have more self respect.

many people around us are mean.

with mask on their face.

being nice with hidden motives.

but lets not be paranoid and judge people.

just be more careful and respect ourselves.

i have no hard feelings towards anyone.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

two songs in one head.

2010-03-02T07:01:00.000-08:00

hello.

If you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool, you're just as well, hope it gives you hell

Now you'll never see, what you've done to me
You can take back your memories they're no good to me
And here's all your lies,
You can look me in my eyes
With that sad sad look that you wear so well

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

fight that painful feeling

2010-03-01T07:04:00.001-08:00

hello.

dzariif. it's over. it's the past.

mistakes can't be undone.

fight that painful feeling.

there are disappointment.

the feeling of getting cheated by someone,

that you never expect will do such things.

you can shake this fever off.

it's just shock.

get this over and done with.

i have faith in you dzariif.

i really do. no point regretting dude.

don't regret for trusting.

don't blame yourself. it's never your fault.

and you're over this.

just ignore the pain.

better things and better girls will be out there.

you don't deserve a cheating lover.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

helps me

2010-03-01T00:34:00.000-08:00

hello.

a friend that i respect.

posted this.

helps me lots man. thanks macho man.

oh, check out his blog post.

dzaki's blog

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

a difference

2010-02-28T20:04:00.001-08:00

hello.

there's a difference between a free woman.

and a free whore.

so ladies, please think wisely.

don't let jerks treat you as his free whore.

it's not worth.

there's a lot of ways to enjoy.

and it's safer to have sex with a person who really love you?

at least it's because of love.

not just treating you as a sex toy?

some of you may think that my words might hurt you.

but seriously, it's not my words.

it's just the fact that you're treated and taken advantaged by jerks.

that fact hurt you. and you're being naive by ignoring it just so you feel comfortable.

face it. it's not worth turning yourself into a free whore.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

i just want to see you smile again

2010-02-28T08:14:00.000-08:00

hello.

favorite song for the week.

meet me in california.

by plain white t's

i like the lyrics.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

peace

2010-02-26T04:08:00.000-08:00

hello.

this gives me peace :'(

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

without

2010-02-26T00:49:00.000-08:00

hello.

i'm accepting this fate i'm facing.

and i'm getting over it.

without having to replace her.

or having any hard feelings towards her.

i realized that, there's no reason for me to hate a person.

no matter how bad i might get treated.

i'll just smile, and move on.

i went to friday prayers.

and it gives me peace in my mind.

and this time, i realized that what i pray for.

is different from what i used to pray for.

instead of praying to get you back,

i actually prayed that you'll have a happy life.

and not get cheated by anyone else.

and not get treated the way i am treated now.

and hopefully one day, god will lead you to the right path.

the path that i once strayed away from.

and the path you seemed to ignore.

life on earth is temporary.

we muslims seek to enjoy hereafter.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

toy around

2010-02-25T13:41:00.000-08:00

hello.

bitch or what?

one day nice to me,

next day start ignoring.

if you're confused over what you want in life,

don't toy around with me.

i'm not interested to being your spare tyre in case your flirty guys fail you.

i've been there prioritizing you for years.

and this is what i deserve? urgh!

i don't like cowards who avoid the people that's trying to confront them.

the only reason you're running is because you know you're wrong.

and you don't have a good reason for it.

maybe a good selfish reason.

sigh, i'm not hating the sinner.

i'll just hate the sin. *and i'm supposed to be over this*

anyway, yesterday was nice.

thanks for the company.

you know who you are if you're reading this.

ok bye,

dzariif

this song

2010-02-23T22:30:00.000-08:00

hello.

this will be my last post for today.

got this song from eyn's blog.

heheh.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

i got no good reasons for this

2010-02-23T22:08:00.000-08:00

hello.

fine, everything is my fault.

i got no good reasons for this.

for being moody at those moments.

for making you feel bad.

for making you feel lonely till you turn out to him.

i just love you.

and no matter what,

i can't stop thinking of you.

the moment i woke up,

my mind will be thinking of you.

it hurts. being replaced.

but then again, it's my fault.

that all this happened.

i'm still want to do nice things.

i don't feel like i'm taken for granted.

it makes me feel good to be nice to you.

even if i don't get anything in return.

i miss your attention.

care, concern and love.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

because seriously

2010-02-23T21:53:00.000-08:00

hello.

i don't know how you really feel right now.

what's your situation.

and the reason you get over me in just one day.

a douche will always act nice to a person facing a break up.

most people get blinded by them.

but it's ok.

what i know is,

if i get over you.

it won't be because of some girl.

i'll start dating only when i'm ready.

because seriously,

nobody on earth can make me not think of you.

and going out with other girls will just make me feel bad.

i can't believe you're letting him standing in between our relationship.

i love you. and i don't know why.

even after getting all this mean treatment.

i still love you.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

to flirt

2010-02-23T10:09:00.001-08:00

hello.

i know the reason i can't flirt!!

it's because, i'm not over her.

and only wants to flirt with her.

i can't stand having the thoughts of replacing her with any girl that wants to layan me.

and also, im not a desperado.

i still love her lots.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

you want

2010-02-23T08:20:00.001-08:00

hello

labelled annoying and irritating.

when i was just being concerned.

i miss you.

i miss the time we played kite together near marina.

and both our kite crashed into the sea.

-__-" i miss that moment.

haha. but you want someone new.

you're willing to sacrifice us for new thrills.

i thought you were better than this.

anyway, i wish all the best to you.

you know where to find me when you need me.

i'll be here with no hard feelings.

all things will be forgiven.

take care.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

2010-02-23T05:42:00.000-08:00

dzariif.

its better being hurt alone

and see the other be happy,

sometimes the pain is overwhelming.

i hope you know what you're doing.

and not be naive like you used too before you knew me.

fighting a losing battle

2010-02-23T04:17:00.000-08:00

hello.

i'm fighting a losing battle.

but i'll fight till my heard die.

it's a strong heart that can resist almost any pain and stay true to love.

i know i'm boring.

i don't have money.

i'm still schooling.

i don't have my own vehicle.

and i get moody during my fyp.

it was just one fyp period when i got moody love.

when you were at your downs,

i was there.

i stayed with you through thick and thin.

do you think he will?

i've proved to you that i will.

i never gave up on you.

i may say it, but i never mean it.

i love you.

it's nothing to you.

but it's everything to me.

i even wanted to stay and wait for you even when you're replacing me.

seriously, why must you replace me?

do you think he'll be with you before you got pretty?

i doubt so. i don't know love.

whatever i asked will make you hate me.

but i need an answer.

and i need a chance. but i know i wont have anymore chance.

why would you give him a chance?

and not me?

i'll change for you. and believe me, i've changed a lot for you.

i sacrificed everything for you.

and this is how you repay me?

by dating some other guy?

who's only here by you when you're successful?

i know. you want the thrill.

but, why not wait for me and we can have fun together?

you said you'll stay with me through thick and thin.

previously i wanted to break up as when i realized i have to forward my modules.

i was predicting this.

but you told me you will stay by me.

this is your test love. why won't you pass it?

why? why give up now? just because you know you can forget me because there's another guy?

why? tell me. i need answers. there's no point being afraid that i might feel hurt.

i'm already devastated. seriously. but i'm still here staying strong hoping you will pass this test that we have to go through.

you said you'll stay true to your words. unlike me.

well, i did stay true to my words.

the 1st promise. i'll stay with you through thick and thin.

what about you? will you? i need your faith.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

not worth

2010-02-21T12:27:00.000-08:00

hello.

i've found out the facts.

its painful, but at least i know whatever that was in my mind is true.

i don't know why.

but i have to face this twice.

it's not worth to love.

or trust anyone.

i've gave up everything for you.

just to find out that i'm giving up everything for nothing.

thanks. i don't need any sympathy.

i just need the truth.

i feel disappointed.

i've never thought being nice to people is never worth it.

nice people get cheated.

i pray to god that all douche-bags can die a miserable death.

and those that wants to take advantage of her should live the rest of their life as a vegetable.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

keeps getting angry

2010-02-20T03:29:00.000-08:00

hello.

i'm like interested in psychology.

so, i did research why a certain someone keeps getting angry at me whenever i tried to give advice.

i stumbled into this website.

so, i think i know why.

must be something like this.

5. disrespect

people who disrespect themselves often despise others. Unbeknownst to themselves, because of their own self hatred, they project this on to others closest to them. the very people who love them the most, they often mistreat. because such a person has a low self image and poor self esteem, they poorly treat others and angrily react over every minute detail with which they disagree. what they don't realize and know is it is they who are the disagreeable and devilish one causing all of the problems.

well, i may be wrong. but this is the closest answer.

and i also realized why i reacted badly towards her when i was with her.

i think it's this.

9. frustrated in Life

frustration and lack of progress in one's life can cause them to become depressed, think less of themselves, and angrily react to others who seem to have their life in order. it's underlying root is envy and jealousy, which causes them to react in hostility. such a person must learn to honor and rejoice in others who are succeeding. as they do, relationships can emerge that will help them transcend their personal troubles, and triumph over what they are going through.

yeah. i want to learn more about human behaviour.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

naive

2010-02-19T09:06:00.001-08:00

hello.

enjoy. or get enjoyed with?

people get naive and think they have life under control.

only start to regret and appreciate people once they get into trouble.

i doubt those guys that goes out just to enjoy actually cared about you.

they are only there when you want to enjoy.

when you're in trouble, they'll all be gone.

why do some people trust strangers and ignore those who actually cared?

think about this. don't be too naive and end up regretting in the future.

ok bye

dzariifcesc.

no matter what i do

2010-02-18T06:39:00.000-08:00

hello.

someone think i'm pulling her down and trying to make her feel miserable.

i have no intentions to do that. and i apologize if i unintentionally did.

i'm just saying my feelings out.

just like the way you said you have no more love for me.

well, i said i still love you.

and will wait for you even if i get treated this way.

so which one is worst?

who's making who feel miserable?

i've been biting my tongue.

afraid of saying how i actually felt.

afraid of making things worst.

now, i know it actually won't make any difference.

no matter what i do, or say, i'll just get thrown away.

blame me for everything.

as long as it makes you feel better.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

maybe some day

2010-02-17T12:00:00.000-08:00

hello.

it's ok dzariif.

she needs you when she have problems.

then fall for you when you always try to be there for her.

stay with you with love for almost 3 years.

then when her life is figured out.

when you start trying to figure out your life,

and your moods cock up.

she'll leave you.

saying you're not the one.

you're making her have a hard life.

when all you have ever did is to try to help her and be there for her.

and then, she say there is no more love.

and you have to pick up the pieces yourself.

have a good life arzifah.

i never regret loving you.

and maybe some day, you'll know how much i loved you.

and how much i've treasured our relationship.

there are quarrels.

but then, there are more good memories.

you chose to keep the bad ones.

throw the good ones.

throw this all away.

treat me like a piece of junk.

something you don't need anymore.

block me out.

im no more needed.

all i wanted was your faith in me.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

how much longer?

2010-02-15T21:54:00.000-08:00

hello.

today is another day,

another day to recover.

how much longer?

what will the outcome be?

only god knows.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

sincerely. faithfully. truthfully.

2010-02-15T03:47:00.000-08:00

hello.

i've been hit.

reality hit me damn hard.

there's only one way for me to recover.

that is to break and crush all this love in my heart.

=( i don't think i'll do that.

without you, there'll be loneliness and emptiness in my life.

i don't know how you do it.

it's impossible to not love you.

this is emotionally challenging and torturing.

i got two quotes from my friends in facebook.

one states:

"True Love is when the look in your eyes show pure devotion and a love that reaches depth no one else will ever understand for that special someone, even if their worst faults or and flaws portray."

another states:

"don't make someone a priority if they only make you an option."

i don't know. i'll choose to follow the 1st statement. the one i've been doing.

loving you. sincerely. faithfully. truthfully.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

will never disappear.

2010-02-15T01:54:00.000-08:00

hello.

sentosa outing was awesome.

thanks to all those who came.

and one special person who in the end did turn up.

and also did overnight. :)

i appreciate it. all of you.

so, siloso beach sucks.

it left so many cuts on mine and my friend's feets.

so many sharp rocks and broken glass in the sea.

early this morning,

i woke up and swim at pahlawan beach with arzifah.

it's great. but very cold.

the sea is quite clear, and the sand is free from sharp objects.

and the best thing is there's her. (:

u know, it's not enough.

the time i get to spend with a certain someone.

i really love her company.

i really want to apologize for my wrongdoings.

it was altogether a great outing.

well, now, i guess i have to face reality all over again. :(

and i hate it. somehow, i'm not looking forward to the future.

especially if it's like how she described it.

my feelings for you will never disappear.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

pipe dreams

2010-02-13T11:20:00.000-08:00

hello.

i read it all, every word
and i still don't understand a thing
what had you heard?
what had you heard ?
was it love, was it take another walk in the dark?
you'll never learn.
i'd pray to god if there was heaven
but heaven seems so very far from here
and it all boils down to the same old thing
just a yin and a yang or a couple of pipe dreams
and it all boils down to the same old pain
whether you win or lose isn't gonna change a single thing
i stood in line and a thought crossed my mind
i had been dreaming but i didn't mind
i signed the line and the woman looked right through me
she didn't smile
i'd pray to god if there was heaven
but heaven seems so very far from here
and it all boils down to the same old thing
just a yin and a yang or a couple of pipe dreams
and it all boils down to the same old pain
whether you win or lose isn't gonna change a single thing
i'd pray to god if there was heaven
but heaven seems so very far from here
and it all boils down to the same old thing
just a yin and a yang or a couple of pints please
and it all boils down to the same old pain
whether you win or lose isn't gonna change a single thing
and it all boils down to the same old feat
just a link in a chain, just a puppet on a string
and it all boils down to the same old pain
whether you win or you lose
whether you win or you lose
whether you win or you lose
whether you win or you lose

(travis-the invinsible band)

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

get thrown away

2010-02-12T20:40:00.000-08:00

hello.

i feel alot better today.

i was really down yesterday.

and just prayed before i sleep.

you know.

and when i sleep,

i dreamt that there's this lady that came to me.

and she somehow know the hard times i'm facing right now.

must be some stalker or something.

and this is the msg i got from the dream.

life has to go on.

don't give up.

stay strong.

there's a reason for everything.

and there's this msg that really motivates me.

sometimes, some people replace good memories with hate just to get what she wants.

every single mistakes that i did or will do, will be placed against me.

so she can hate me more and it will make things easier for her.

in getting what she wants. that is to be single. so she can enjoy. without me or religion as her limit. to those that's suffering, he will get something good in return.

just need patience and faith in god.

i want to thank you mysterious dream lady stalker.

even though some things u said about her is untrue.

i'll have faith in god. and myself.

i know this time, my faith won't go wasted and get thrown away after almost 3 years.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

replace everything with hate.

2010-02-12T10:06:00.000-08:00

hello.

this sucks.

you readers might have to endure this type of post for a very long time.

i'm really depressed and sad.

i doubt it'll ever crossed the person's mind to read my blog.

since that person really hate me so much.

for the first time in my entire life.

someone hated me.

and he/she have never been my enemy.

i won't hate him/her.

god give us heart to love. not hate.

also, i don't have the heart to replace everything with hate.

it's mean and.. ok, it's just mean.

don't get me wrong.

that person's not mean.

it's my fault anyway.

i deserve this i guess.

on another note,

im not sure why.

but god wants my heart smashed.

i'm sorry god for being naive.

you are one and only god.

i'll continue this life for you.

i'll pray with this smashed hopes.

praying that you will make me stronger.

and show me why i deserve this.

i ask for forgiveness.

for being naive and ignorant.

i won't stray out of the right path.

insya'allah.

and i pray to you god,

i will never lose a person that i really treasure ever again.

i'd rather lose myself.

amin.

god is allah. allah is god.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc.

sweet.memories.last.forever

2010-02-11T16:33:00.000-08:00

hello.

i'm guilty.

and i'm facing this punishment.

something so unbearable.

even if it's not unusual.

this is worst than life imprisonment.

this is taking my life away,

without killing me.

and my mind. is out of everything,

and onto something that's impossible to get back.

it's over. the plans i've made.

the future i've imagined.

the love i've cherished.

is this worth?

the pain i have to go through.

the feeling of guilt.

this is what happens.

when saying sorry is not enough,

you'll only notice a person.

when someone's gone out of your life.

i've noticed you,

but sadly, i've not shown it to you.

no use regretting.

i know.

but i can't get it out of my head.

this is different.

you are different.

this is hopeless.

i am hopeless.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

life's hopeless

2010-02-11T06:37:00.000-08:00

hello.

im left speechless.

i'll try my best to recover.

all the feelings that we've left behind.

i'll pray you will be wise and have a good life.

on earth and hereafter.

i feel so hopeless now.

life's hopeless.

but i'll stay for god and my religion.

and for my family who really love me.

their love will never fade no matter what.

i'm taught to love that way.

it's a blessing and also a curse for me.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

affecting me

2010-02-10T08:09:00.000-08:00

hello.

i've been dreaming the same thing over and over again.

and it's killing me inside.

whenever i sleep, i'll wake up feeling hurt.

im not sure. maybe it's just dreams.

or maybe it's a message.

either way, it's affecting me.

and the way i'm treated is making it worst.

i have more doubts now.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc.

i'm going crazy

2010-02-01T06:59:00.000-08:00

hello.

i kind of respect hitler for fighting for his people and religion.

ok, his ways are evil. however, there's a reason for it.

jewish leaders from ussr were cruel too.

because of them, innocent non jewish people died.

and leaders of usa are obvious hypocrites. (i'm not sure about obama)

there was mass murders of innocent people done by the jewish in ussr.

because of these people, innocent non jewish died.

this leads to a reaction from hitler.

because of hitler, innocent jews died.

who's the devil now?

hitler or jewish leaders?

both? hmm. history is always interesting.

people's emotion and reaction towards situations is also interesting.

i'm not anti jew or whatsoever.

it's just that, i've just read an article from this webpage.

oh, 6 days left for projects. :(

i'm going crazy.

super stress.

ok, i'll have to stop blogging. stop facebook-ing. face this architecture problem. solve it.

solve it, by doing it.

ok bye,

dzariifcesc

not your normal sanitary pad

2010-01-31T00:14:00.000-08:00

hello.

was checking my inbox and got an email from apple.

so, i decided to visit youtube to find more info of their new product.

the ipad. it's not your normal sanitary pad ladies.

it's more. it can surf the web, play music on itunes and have an ebook feature.

but i wonder. how useful can this new product from apple be?

apple only think of making money from gullible consumers.

they make ipad sound so special, when it's just an oversized iphone.

with some extra capabilities. here are two vids from youtube. enjoy.

video from apple.

hitler's point of view.

ok bye

dzariifcesc